I wouldn’t be lying if I told you there have been a few people who have gotten back to me about my books, and have told me with tears in their eyes that they are no way, not even close to where I am in my spiritual walk. It amazes them how I can react to the suffering and adversity that has been poured out like a drink offering in my life. I haven’t always had the peace of God. Yeah, I often say I am too blessed to be stressed, but a few of you need to hear this-actually, I’m betting more than a few of you really need to hear this! My spirit-my inner man-my acceptance of God’s sovereignty in my life did not, I repeat, did not evolve overnight!
I wasn’t saved when this disease mercilessly grabbed hold of my life. I don’t know if you can imagine what a true nightmare the last twelve years has been for me, particularly the first year. All throughout that first year, most of my time was spent trying to find medical answers. I was a medical mystery. Doctors couldn’t pinpoint the problem. I was putting my hope in the medical community, and it didn’t take long for me to get tired of going to doctors. I was a basket case-a suicidal basket case. I was humiliated. I was mortified. I was scared. A simple thing like walking was impossible! I was a control freak, and the worst thing to happen to a control freak is losing control. But thanks be to God, that disruptive part of my life is over. As far as taking my own life – God took it instead.
When a crisis happens, we usually can only see two feet in front of us. Over time things started to change. I see the fingerprints of God.
There are blogs and devotions I have read from others who are chronically ill, or those who suffer… and they have SELF-PITY written all over them! I want no part of self-pity. God has made this clear as a bell to me… when there is self-pity, your focus is off! I remember asking God, “How in the world can I not focus on me and what I’m going through, when with every move I make, I’m confronted with Muscular Dystrophy and physical limitations. I don’t get a break God. You know I have to deal with MD 24/7.” But it’s not about what’s in the world. Out of everything God has taught me, I cling the most tightly to His Sovereignty. I know that anything that comes into my life is allowed or even ordained by God. He felt the sting in His chest first. Before it came to me, He felt it first! That’s my comfort. He has a plan. God’s Sovereignty can sometimes be a scary thing. When we acknowledge His Sovereignty, that’s when things change; the Prince of Peace will take charge and rule inside your heart.
“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” John15: 5
Take it from me. Apart from Him we can do nothing.