You see, I used to be one of the most conceited, confident, prideful, self-centered girls walking around. Everything was all about me, me and me. I knew I was one of the “beautiful” people, and was convinced the earth revolved around me. My physical image and the material things I accumulated were the means I used to measure my value and identity. I elevated myself on a pedestal, and just knew I was the best thing since sliced bread. In my warped mind, I was better than most people and just knew everyone was jealous of me. So yes … you can say I thought I was overcoming life with no problems. But I would soon find out how clearly shallow my perspective on life was…
It was a merciful awakening! It was a severe mercy! But it most definitely was not either one of those things to me when the crisis hit. It seemed like everything that was valuable to me was falling apart. It felt like the end, and I can honestly say I hated the world! “What did I do to deserve this?” “Why me?” Again…everything was “me” focused. “God, why are you picking on me?” … that’s ironic, because before all of this happened, God was not a part of My life.
I was diagnosed with a rare muscle disease (Muscular Dystrophy), which severely limits me physically. It’s crazy, I used to worship my body … my self worth was based on physical appearance. Wrapped in the most horrific packaging, was the most precious gift of all. What I viewed as a crisis has been a catalyst for an encounter with the Living God.
Even though I am ambulatory, I am pretty much confined to being home on Disability. I no longer have to be a part of the rat race we call the workforce. God has given me the gift of time, and has allowed me to draw close to Him, learn from Him, love Him, and be loved by Him. It’s as though a veil was lifted from my eyes. Now I can see so much clearer, and I have an entirely new perspective on life. Things have radically changed … what used to be important to me is now of little significance, and vice versa. I can now empathize with others who are hurting and suffering, not just pity them like I did before. I can see God work through this illness by giving me the privilege of comforting others, only because of the comfort He has given me. I know now that God isn’t a respecter of persons. I guess the overwhelming thing for me is…what really blows my mind…is that God loved me so much, He wouldn’t let me continue on the path I was on. He allowed this to happen because He knew it would be the only way to get my attention…the only way I could pass from the world of darkness into glorious light.
It’s frustrating beyond belief having this muscle disease, and I feel like I am a prisoner in my own body. It means everything to me to know that I have a Savior who lives. It helps to know that Jesus was a Man of Sorrows, and he understands what it’s like to be one of us with all of this craziness happening to our bodies (and the sickness in our souls). He learned obedience from His suffering. We just need to keep reminding ourselves that God has a great plan for us, and we need (I need) to meditate on Romans 8:28…”God works ALL things out for the good of those that love Him and who are called according to His purpose.” God says ALL things, not some things.
I’m human, and still struggle, but so confident when I say…yes, it’s only because of God I am overcoming life!
